if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
