WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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