There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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