I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
