you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
