look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
