Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
