my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
