you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
