So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
