if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Apparently you make a good broom.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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