I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
i've created a new STD.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
