i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
