Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Found your dick twin last night
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
