11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
