Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Randomize
