I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
