my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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