census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
