My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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