i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
