Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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