How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
