I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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