Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
