you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
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