I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize