just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
