I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
