You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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