I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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