he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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