Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
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