The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
