she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
