Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
