if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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