For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
