You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
