I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
