I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
