You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The dick lei will go down in squad history
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
