I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
