I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize