well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It was confusing and full of hummus
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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