I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
