ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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