I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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