It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize