The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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