Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
