I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
