I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize