Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
