I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
