I seem to have left my pride at pride
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
