Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
