You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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