Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
