We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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