This is not my ceiling
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Sorry about my life...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
