btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
