I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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