I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize