I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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